In Praise of Discomfort -Unlearning White Politeness, Masking and Conflict Avoidance

For anyone exhausted by people-pleasing, masking, or keeping the peace at their own expense.

When the mask begins to slip

In the years since being diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood, I have spent a lot of time thinking about masking: the conscious or unconscious effort to suppress natural instincts and modify behaviour to appear socially acceptable.

At a certain point, particularly for those diagnosed later in life, the mask begins to slip. Sometimes we make a deliberate decision to take it off; more often, our nervous systems simply run out of the energetic fuel required to keep it in place.

It is revealing to notice how that unmasking is received. In some spaces, people are accustomed to neurodivergent communication styles, unusual movements, and direct requests for adjustments.