The 'Authentic Self': What Is It, and Does It Help to Search for the 'Real Me'?
For anyone exhausted from searching for the 'real me' – or wondering who they are beneath the mask.
The modern demand to 'be yourself'
We live in a culture saturated with the demand to be ‘authentic’.
We see it on social media slogans, corporate leadership seminars, and wellness wall art, all urging us to strip away our filters, ‘live our truth’, and reveal our ‘real’ self. It might be presented as some kind of moral virtue - if you are not showing up unfiltered in every room, you are being inauthentic.
For values-driven people, late-diagnosed neurodivergents, and anyone experiencing the strain of high-responsibility caring or community work, this advice is unlikely to feel liberating.
Many of my coaching clients arrive feeling like imposters. They tell me they have spent decades masking ADHD or Autistic traits, adapting to rigid workplaces, or people-pleasing to maintain relationships, to the point where they question who they really are now. They wonder whether their tendency to adapt their tone, body language, and energy depending on who they are with is a problem. The search for an elusive, permanent ‘authentic self’ can become another standard to fail.
What Does a Somatic Coach Actually Do?
For anyone wondering what somatic coaching actually looks like in practice – and whether it could help.
The problem with niche titles
I have a confession to make: I sometimes dread the question ‘what do you do?’
When I tell people I am a somatic coach and practitioner, the title often sounds like a specialist niche that requires a ten-minute explanation. For many, ‘somatic’ sounds vaguely mystical, evoking images of crystal bowls or unstructured emotional catharsis. For others, ‘coaching’ suggests corporate performance optimisation, five-year plans, and relentless positivity.
My work sits in neither camp. It exists to address a practical, grounded reality: the challenges that bring people to coaching – things like exhaustion, chronic self-doubt, conflict avoidance, and career paralysis – need more than thinking and talking to be resolved. Intellectually understanding your patterns does not stop your body from reacting when the pressure mounts.